Thursday, September 8, 2011


 I want to take some time to introduce you to myself...not just Melissa, the surrogate, but ME!  I was born and raised in the armpit of this world and smack dab in the middle of the most religulous town EVER...(spelling intended)  I grew up with two loving parents and a cooperative sister and actually had a pretty hell of a good life.  There was no drama in my family except  for the occasional visits from our Unitarian and Atheist family members...(they were basically demonic as far as my family was concerned).  As a child, I was always so quick to evangelize know spread the love of Jesus...and then after they left, I would fall to my knees and beg God not to let them rest tonight until there hearts were turned to Him...Some of my newly acquired friends may be thinking "Holy, shit!!!  You were like THAT??"  But many of you knew me as THAT girl.  I sang songs about Jesus from the time I could talk..I witnessed to cashiers at our local supermarket...I hid beer (because it was evil and would send ya to hell) from my uncle in hopes that in doing so I  would bring him to salvation.  I sang in the church choir, went to Christian school and eventually into the ministry with my (then) very Christian husband.  That is a part of me foundation and in a very small way I am thankful to have had it.  I developed a very strong sense of self and was loved and cared for by many but then I started to think...

Christianity is good for Christians but what about everyone else???  I went on a trip to the Philippines and saw
people impoverished..starving..yet they were crying out, performing rituals and prayers in an effort to get God to hear them...comfort them from pain. He didn't.   I left that country a different woman.  I began with questions such as "If there is a God, why does he seem to love Americans more that Philippinos?"  "Why do I live in comfort and assurance and they do not?"  "Who are we trying to bring these people to?"  "They seem perfectly content with their faith, what makes mine superior or right?"  I asked and asked and asked. questions that eventually led to my ultimate un-doing.  More on that later.

I had been married around 3-4 years and deeply active as an associate pastors wife when I looked at Shane and said "Do you remember choosing to be straight?"   At this time I had never been around ANY liberal minds whatsoever..I was the most liberal person I knew:))  Shane resisted (knowing what I was getting at) and said no.  I asked more and more questions and as my kids got older I began to evaluate their changes to see just when IT happened...I saw nothing.  James Dobson was loudly furthering his "Focus on the Family"  campaign all over the world.  He preached messages like this:  "Homosexuals are not monogamous. They want to destroy the institution of marriage. It will destroy marriage. It will destroy the Earth." and "allowing same-sex marriage in the United States would lead to "group marriage," "marriage between daddies and little girls," or "marriage between a man and his donkey"

People all around me were eating this shit up!!!  Teaching it in the church Sunday School rooms..posting it on billboards..blaring it all over "family friendly radio"  It was at this point I began to think something was wrong with me.  Was I a pervert?  Was I just being rebellious?  No one would understand so I kept gay friendly feelings between Shane and I.  A few years later I began to grow more and more weary of this church life...I begged Shane on many numerous occasions to get me out of this life.  I felt like I had lost every single part of my identity to this religion and I was sick of it.  I was so desperate to act outside of myself I became a surrogate..while I wanted very much to carry for a gay man, we decided it would be best not to ruffle any feathers of our church members as we were still their pastor/wife...So I didn't..I chose a straight couple..fell in love with them and the idea and then I got an e-mail from a church member "Pastor and Missy, because we feel like you are being unequally yoked with an organization of homosexuals, we feel it in our best interest to leave your church..We do not want to be part of the judgement you will receive for participating in these ungodly affairs."  The entire town turned on day they loved us, they were kind, polite Christians and the next day they were homophobic, judgmental busy bodies seeking to ruin my life while humiliating me and "outing" me as pro-gay...  

There is a lot more that happened but this is getting really long.  I have met some of the most amazing people in the last year and a half of my life.  Some are gay but most are surrogates and free thinking women who have actively lived out kindness in ways I never saw it lived out before.  They are advocates for human rights...the right to live however you goddamn well please.  This has become what defines me.  It is my mission to end the "Tyranny of Christianity" in this so called free country.  I watch as LGBT people are treated as if they have some sort of illness they can be cured of...I listened today as the AFA set out to have Chaz Bono removed from dancing with the stars because by his presence he is causing harm to the children watching...they called him a "sinner" and offered him Christian counselling should he ever desire to change...I sat in my car with tears running down my face, hoping that my kids will never have to know this hatred.  I never knew racism but my grandparents did...people have not changed..the focus simply has.  The homosexual community is being verbally abused and slandered and accused of being unnatural...I tell you nothing would be more unnatural than forcing yourself to be in a relationship because the world wants you to...

I feel it my responsibility to be the change I want to see in the world (thank you Ghandi) and I have to start somewhere..How about the American Family Association..Focus on the Family and Westborough Baptist Church???  Yeah, that'll be a good start.

Thanks for listening to my very long and not so cohesive ramblings...
More tomorrow on the Home Depot and other ramblings from The American Family Association...


  1. Very Well said Melissa! <3 BIG BIG HUGS TO YOU. Thank you for Sharing! :-)

  2. I concur completely!!! You are very brave for speaking your mind! Something I have been looked down upon for years either in person or behind my back. Thank you!

  3. I love this post! I feel like I am at a crossroad with my religion because I'm not anit-gay.

  4. Man, my heart grumbled a lot at the hatred you have seen and experienced. I look forward to hearing more. PS Have you heard of OUTstanding Amarillo? They would fall in love with you and your mission. <3

  5. Hey. I just read your latest post via your surrogate blog. Love this. I can totally relate. Since we helped start Watershed (church plant) here in Charlotte we have prayed and wrestled with all that our religious roots told us to hold on to. We are thankful for it all and for our years at Liberty and in ministry (husband also went to LU). But goodness, ministry and our years at LU were all in a bubble. THIS is the real world...and God did not limit us or command us to only LOVE and SERVE the people that were like us. Even yesterday I read a comment on my stepmom's page from one of her friends telling her not to move to San Fran because of all the militant gays. SERIOUSLY? This is the year 2011...I had to write a comment and not let people think that it is okay to treat people like 2nd hand citizens! I'm FED UP! Back to Watershed, (sorry for the long post) we have several gay couples (involved and baptized too) at our church. We are the ONLY church in town that accept people as they are like this. Recently Daniel and I did a study ourselves on what the Bible says and realized that it is all out of context. Homesexual word actually means those that were taking advantage of small boys. WOW...all this time we thought different. I'm still wrestling with it but we definitely err on the side of accepting and loving and showing those haters that God commands more of us than to choose who to love. Thanks for the post..

  6. Nice job missy. I love what you have to say. I know your mission is a lot like my own, however, I think you will be able to get a lot further than I have because you have a "religious past" . . . you have been there, you know the ins and outs. I was raised as a free thinker and have a difficult time relating to people in organized religion because they ideas are sooooo very far where I've come from.

    Hope you don't mind that I'm going to share this. LOVE YOU!!

    Oh and FYI, "militant gays" . . . I almost spit out my drink. I thought of a group of gay men all in Camo . . . I would think that would be pretty rare . . you know, because most people can't pull of Camo - regardless of Sexual Orientation ;)